On my mind...

You. This blog. You have been on my mind. I have neglected you to no end. I did spruce you up a bit, but I'd like to do more. You know, like post more often. I'd like to add more pictures too.

My girl. I have spent the last hour changing out clothing for fall/winter. (Yes! You heard that right! This Florida, I mean Virginia girl is in need of her fleece pants today!!!) As I am cleaning out her closet and her drawers I am sad. She hit a growth spurt this summer that knocked me to the ground. My 5 year old is no longer my baby. I can still catch a glimpse of her smallness. I see it in her little hands as shes doing a puzzle. I hear it in her sweet voice when she tells me she loves me.

Our bedroom doors are on either end of a hallway. She was in her room trying on clothes and I was spying on her from my bed. It was like all of the sudden she was 17. I saw her taller, leaner and grown up. And it made my heart hurt.

Turning 30 this year has changed my perspective on a lot of things. I have realized that this is the only life I get to live. It is spiraling out of control very quickly, meaning, the time...where has it gone? At the same time I am realizing I no longer have a baby. I have a child. And I guess what I am realizing is that I have taken all of these years for granted. Oh, I adored her and couldn't get enough of her as a baby. But then something happened where it became all about me. (getting real here...)Her constant chatter annoyed me, she got in my way a lot, and in general I wanted to be left alone. I definitely had issues and I feel like I worked through a lot of them. I know I have considering I can look back and see all the bad. Realizing that things aren't going to slow down and this is my only chance with her has snapped me out of my funk.

I told my husband last night that I am so thrilled to get to home school her. I thought that when she is 18 and headed to college I will be so grateful I was able to spend all this time with her, because I know I am going to miss her. Think of all the time that could be lost at school?

I have also been thinking a lot of how content I am. Its not like we are settled. We are far from it. We had planned on building this year while we rented, but we think God is changing our plans to include buying a house in the area.
But something about being in the mountains, something about experiencing fall weather ALREADY, it just has me at peace. God is so good to us, and He is at work in our lives and I am so happy and peaceful.

My marriage has been on my mind. We will celebrate our 10 year anniversary in December. Our marriage has never been easy. We've had a lot of ups and downs. Too many to count, but praise God!!!! we are still going at it. Ten years is a long time to get to know someone. I am just finally learning to relax, not take things so personally and stop being so sensitive. Whew! It took long enough and I am sure it will take another 10 years before I feel like I've half way conquered them.

I have been thinking a lot about my other daughter. This past January God put a small Chinese girl in front of us and said I have this for you. We have had a little Chinese girl on our hearts whenever we talk about her or pray. but recently God has shown me that she may not be Chinese and would I be ok with that? Yeah, I don't really think He was asking my permission either. Lets just consider that a rhetorical question. After prayer and seeking Him, Yes, I am ok with that. So, now our next daughter has no face. But she does have a name. We havn't even started the process due to the fact that my husband just started a job this week and makes no where near the required income. (Does anyone have any loopholes around this)?

So, So many things on my mind these past few weeks. So lets just say that I am a happy and content woman who is loving on her girl like crazy, loving being married and dreaming of a little girl who will one day be mine. Life is good.

The Body of Christ

I cannot even begin to tell you how this new church of ours has ministered to our hearts. I've been there almost 6 weeks now and feel like I never want to leave. I know that the "honeymoon" phase will pass, but God has brought us to this place. I'm not really sure we would be doing as good as we are without this body of believers.

Remember the home school curriculum? Well, it turned out to be the complete Kindergarten set from A Beka. This is the curriculum that is used at the church's school. I do not have to buy one item for Kindergarten and it is top quality stuff. To think that God provided that for us before we even knew we needed it amazes me to no end. Speaking of their school, we were offered free tuition this year. Free private school tuition? Ummm, Wow! We have been asking the Lord for His wisdom, and I believe we are going to continue the plans to homeschool. I know...who turns down free private school education? Well, apparently we do. The final decision has not been made yet as we are still asking the Lord for an answer.

Last night the men laid hands on my husband and prayed that the Lord would provide a job for him that is beyond anything we can imagine. We have been asking the Lord for the same thing. My husband was moved to tears as he stood up and praised God for believers who fill up our spiritual tank. We leave there loved on and encouraged by every single person. They love on us like we've been members for 30 years. We are so very thankful to God for His provision in leading us to this church.

You know how you can just tell when God is about to do something really big? We have had that feeling these past few weeks. Of course then my husband lost his job. That's big. But God is about to do something bigger.

Speaking of big, a child was conceived in our hearts on January 15, 2010. We attended Winter Jam 2010. We sponsored a Chinese girl. Our hearts were moved. The Lord has been at work. He has used women of God in my life to speak truth about the orphan. I have learned so much and have been taught so much about God's faithfulness in adoption and I have been able to pass it along to my husband. Adoption is scary. International adoption is down right terrifying. The money? Forget about it. The travel? I've hardly left the east coast of the U.S. But disobeying God's prompting to adopt is even more scary.

He's been speaking about it though. He's been working on our hearts. He's given me a name. And I mean that there is no way that I will ever name her anything else. He has laid it on my heart to stop giving away my daughter's clothes. Usually I find a family with smaller girls and pass them on. Or I give them to my mom for her foster care closet. I didn't hear a voice, but I felt a gentle leading to stop. Just plain and simple, stop giving away the clothes. I can sense that He is working.

Let me just stop and clarify that last statement. I have never been one to hear God speaking to me. I have always wanted to, but didn't really know how to listen. But, again, thanks to Godly women, I am learning more. I try to soften my heart in so many ways. I lean in and listen. I have learned THE HARD WAY to listen good and when I think its the Lord speaking I better listen up and listen good. About 90% of the time, its Him and He means business.

So, I'm sensing Him move. All this during a time when we are renting a house that we can't afford. My husband has no job, our property has a foundation on it only. And we are not sure if we even have the money to finish it. We are caught somewhere in the middle. Now, this is a good time to see God work miracles in our lives. Can God work when everything is perfect? Oh sure. But I think we will be most likely to take credit for it ourselves. How does it go? When we are weak, He is strong. When we can't get our crap together, then the Lord can work. When we can't do it ourselves, the Lord steps in.

I just wanted to let you know whats been swirling around in my heart lately. I would appreciate your sincere prayers for our family. Praise God we are healthy! But its still hard when its finances. How can I pray for you today?

Memorial Box Monday

For more stories about God's faithfulness,visit A Place Called Simplicity

***Edited: My husband came home today without a job. How much more this story blesses my soul. Will you join me in prayer for our incredible God to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine?***

Its been so long since I've posted one of the these. I must be the worst blogger in the world. God is just so faithful in the small things and I need to mention this. My girl will start kindergarten in a few weeks. We homeschool and I am very excited. The bad thing is that we have zero extra money right now for curriculum. I found some books that I wanted to use and it would have cost around $50. We plan on utilizing the library a lot.
I feel like I should back up and say that we have money in savings. We are not destitute. We are trying not to touch that money because if we spend it, we are essentially homeless next year after our lease is up here. That money is for our small house we are building. The Lord is good and I'm so thankful that we have that money there anyway. So we are trying to live off my husband's paycheck and it just doesn't cover it.
Back to these books. I know $50 is not a lot. Especially for homeschool material. But this is kindergarten and really how much will I need? So I had my list and my husband said wait until payday to order it. My fingers itched and itched to just go ahead and order it, but I held off.
We are at church Sunday night and this lady comes up to me and tells me that some of the ladies have put together a basket of books for us. She says its probably everything I will need for kindergarten. Say what?!?!? She even included some supplies. Now, I don't know whats in this basket. The books may be old, used or not what I was planning on using. But the Lord knows better than me. He knows whats in there because He told them what to put in there.
We've only been at this church 5 weeks. My husband slightly longer since he was attending here while we were in Tennessee. But they really don't know us. But they took the time to put together some things for us.
The way we came to this church is another God story by itself. Only by His will did we come here. And without this church we would probably be in pretty bad shape spiritually. We have a preacher who preaches the truth.
We are doing so good. And thanks be to God for His goodness to our family.

Guess who just walked out the door?

The sweet blessed man who possesses the talent of bringing internet into my house.

Being without internet for right around 3 weeks changes a person. I'm kidding of course. But its good to be back. I'm a resident of Virginia. Officially. Well, I havn't got the $48 to change my license from Florida to Virginia, but thats right in line behind getting my gas money, grocery money, getting my oil changed and maybe paying my rent.

Wow, it didn't take long for me to start whining about money. Sorry about that. God is so good to us. And there is just something about not making ends meet that makes you cling to the Lord in a way that you never have before. I'm confident that this will make us stronger in so many ways.

And the funny thing is that during this time of the small paycheck, God is getting me more excited about adopting. We still don't know what that looks like for us, but I'm still excited.

And at this point somehow I just erased the last 4 paragraphs. Hmmm. Internet, we have such a love hate relationship. So, I've got to go clean something right now, but I will be back more often.

Droopy, Slobbery, Floppy and Stubby

Two days ago I anxiously found my way to A Place Called Simplicity. I love the Memorial Box Mondays. In the midst of life, it is a refreshing way to read about God's faithfulness in the lives of others. It also makes you think about the stories in your own life.
Well, this past Monday I logged on and saw that it was a "rerun". I am a lover of rerun shows, especially if its a good one. I saw the title, "Ezra" and I almost, almost skipped it. I had read it a few times before and knew all about that cool rooster. But I love Linny and I think she's fabulous! So read it again. And I am so glad I did. Little did I know how I would need this story this week.

We are scheduled to move into a rental July 1st. Somehow there has been confusion about the pet situation. We have a small dog who is no trouble at all, but as it turns out, the owner wants no pets. Let's not forget that the people living there right now have a poodle. UhhhhHH!
My husband told me about this last night and I was not happy. Now, after being apart for many months I have learned to let things go. I know it was not his fault and I was proud of myself for holding my tongue. Worst case scenario, my dog will go live with my inlaws. That is, if they agree. For a year. Best case, she will have to live in the detached garage for a year. Now, I love my dog. She is a Shih-Tzu and not the kind of dog who wants to live alone in a garage. My heart is broken. But as I was talking to my husband on the phone last night I remembered Ezra. Immediately I calmed down and knew right then that the Lord was speaking to me. He cares for Maggie just like I do. He will take care of her.
I also saw this teaching moment for my girl. I asked her to pray with me that God will care for Maggie. I want her to know how God will provide for us.
And I trust that no matter what the outcome, I chose to trust Him.

Okay, well today I've had more fears. I do not want my dog living with my inlaws and I do not want her all alone in a garage. I was near tears today while we were playing at a park. We were packing up to leave and my mom told me to look and see what was coming. I turned my head not knowing what I was looking for. Then I see them. A pair of Basset Hounds. Two beautiful basset hounds. Droopy eyes and floppy ears. I was so excited I could have jumped all around.

You see, I want a basset hound. In the worst way. I am in love with basset hounds. I want a male and I want him as droopy as possible. One day I am hoping that my husband will surprise me with one. I am obsessed with them. The funny thing is I have never seen one up close. I fell in love with them only through pictures online. Not until I came to Tennessee did I actually see one for myself. I was on my mom's back porch back in April when I spotted this beauty named Biscuit next door. I have never been over there to pet her and have only watched her from a distance. So, to see these two up close today and get to pet them and get slobbered all over, I knew it was God. Some may argue that it was a coincidence. My God knows my fascination with these dogs. And the fact that my heart was broken over my dog, I knew He was all over this "coincidence".

And while this is not a Memorial Box Monday post, I still want to remember God's faithfulness on this journey. And it came in the form of droopy eyes, floppy ears and short stubby legs. Maybe one day I will own one and will always remember how much God cares for even the smallest worries in our heart.

*UPDATE*
I just wanted to say that the landlord is going to allow us to keep Maggie in the house for a refundable deposit. Praise God.
Now if I can just pry the deposit from my husband's balled up fists, we will be all set.

Memorial Box Monday

I love Mondays! I love to thinking about God's Faithfulness and I love to read about it too. Please visit A Place Called Simplicity for more stories of God's goodness.

Today's story is just another chapter in this great adventure. It is short, but powerful.

We have a house that we have been trying to sell since April. It is a mobile home and it sits on borrowed property. We have lowered the price and lowered the price. Lots of inquiry, but no bites. It is almost as if the Lord was saying,"wait on Me."

Of course we still listed it, because, duh, we are trying to sell it.

Once upon a time I felt the need to give it away. Yes, I said give it away. Give away an asset that would secure our future. Give away a profit that would ensure the funds to finish our house. I know how outrageous that sounds. I was scared of the idea, but excited at the same time. But, I'm the woman and I don't get the last say so. And that is well and perfect for me. I talked with a super cool chick about my grand idea and she prayed over me. Then I talked to my husband. Hahahahaha! Picture me laughing right now. It didn't go well. While my husband is a true follower of Christ, he declares he is not without his senses. He totally opposes the idea and I stand firm, but step aside. He is my husband and the Lord has put authority in him.

Let me back up a minute and tell you that I wanted to give it to a missions pastor and his family to live in. They are incredibly in love with Jesus and were very much without a home.

I wanted to just give it to them in the name of Jesus Christ and allow God to bless that in whatever way He wanted.

But it wasn't to be. So we have been trying and trying to sell it.

On one of the "on" weekends we get visits from my husband we were worshiping in church together one Sunday. This particular Sunday the church was taking a final offering to retire their mortgage early. It had been a huge campaign to pay off a huge debt that only a huge God would pull off. The pastor called for everyone to make a sacrificial offering. We took it to heart and placed a check in the offering plate. I was very excited because before the service I asked my husband if we would and he said yes. He threw out a number that matched the number in my own mind. I was initially shocked because I thought my number would be too high for him. God had spoke to both of us. Love it!

Three days later we get an email stating that someone from our Florida church wanted to buy our mobile home and give it to the church under the condition that this missions pastor could live in it for 2 years. Even as I type this, it astounds me. I had told a total of 3 people of my wanting to give our home away. One person thought my idea was crazy, one person lives across the country and one person was my best friend who doesn't talk about our conversations with others. Only God could orchestrate that plan. He knew in my heart that I wanted our home for this particular family. And He made it happen.

Now, my heart turns in 2 directions here. I am so excited that our home will sell and we will get the cash we need to proceed and hopefully finish building. But I am a little sad that someone will get this blessing. Yes, we are getting the blessing of income. I know this. But I wanted the blessing of sacrifice. I wanted to give it away so the Lord could stretch our faith. But He still works. He heard my heart. I feel like there are 2 blessings in this story. And I want to remember that check we put in the offering plate and how the Lord saw it and blessed us with the sale of our home. And I want to put a picture of our home in my (non-existent) memorial box to remind myself and my family that the Lord gives back to those who give away.

But I also want to remember that the Lord answered my prayers for this family to get my home. And to me, that is the biggest blessing of all!

Lyrics

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Santus Real "Whatever Your Doing"