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Thursday, February 25, 2010


Somewhere in the Middle
by: Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle,
caught in the middle

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Dear Stomache Flu

Please go away. You are not welcome in my house.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Memorial Box Monday cont.

I thought I'd stretch this out. I felt like I typed forever and didn't want you too bored.
So my husband was laid off a few weeks back. The best part was that we didn't freak out. We had seen God's hand enough in our marriage that this wasn't a huge deal. our biggest decision was whether we would stay put or move our tail ends up to the mountains where our hearts were already residing. Common sense says to stay here. We have no house payments of any kind. But, what about a job? We decided to look for a job in Virginia while staying here. The internet makes that extremely easy with their online applications and all that. Although, in a lot of ways technology makes things harder. Ya know? I could spend 30 minutes writing a letter to a friend with actual pen and paper. (I actually did that not too long ago! It was so old-school!) Or I could spend 3 hours trying to figure out what the hecks wrong with my email so I can drop a 2 line note to someone.
It's only been a few weeks and not long enough to where we could hear something yet. Our prayers are fervent for a well-paying job that suits my husbands needs and wants.

God has provided for our every need. And He will continue to do so. And I believe that we won't have to touch our savings. I believe this because God is for us. He wants good things for us. And we tithe. The Bible is very clear about how God feels about tithing. We are to test Him. Can you outgive God? I don't believe you can.

Our story hasn't been finished yet. The Lord is still working on it. But our peace is truly unbelievable. We KNOW we will be cared for. Will we have enough to make our house exactly how we wanted it? I don't know. But we are willing to cut corners. I may not get the countertops I want, but I'll have a kitchen.

God Himself says His ways are not our ways. I have to believe this. I've caught myself several times these past few weeks wanting my way. I always (try, at least) remember this verse. Yes, I want my ways, but I know His ways are always better. So my prayer has been that He will make my desires look like His desires.

I feel like I've rambled about this. Bottom line is that we are on an exciting ride. It does get exhausting sometimes. Our eyes are on the finish line. I don't know how we will get there, or what it will look like, but I know its there. And it gives me hope.

Want to see God at work in our lives? Check back in a few times over the next few months. You'll be sure to see His hand.

And if you feel so inclined, please remember our family in your prayers. We believe in the prayers of the righteous. The Bible says they are powerful and effective. Thank you.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Memorial Box Monday

I didn't mean to abandon my blog. Truthfully I've abandoned just about everything lately. When your husband is home, things just seem to get thrown off schedule. In a good way!

Today's Memorial Box Monday is about my husband losing his job on Feb. 2, 2010. I suppose it isn't a finished story because I don't know what the ending is going to be.

I want to start out by saying that we are very faithful tithers. After all these years of tithing, though, I still feel like there is a lot to learn. Having said that, I must tell you that God has always provided for us. Never have we been without. Never.

When we were married, I had one small student loan. That was the only debt I carried with me. My husband, having been divorced, had a nice sized child support payment and he was extremely behind on his taxes (he was self-employed.) Since he owned his own business, we never knew when the money was going to come in. I didn't have a set schedule to when my bills were paid. When the money came in, I paid whatever bills had been waiting the longest. Not a good scenario. I was 20 though and not very financially sound. Thinking about this, I was probably more financially sound than most 20 year olds. I'm just guessing.

We liked to go out to eat a lot. I liked to buy new clothes. Nothing in extreme or overly pricey, but money was going out the window fast. Clearly I didn't like the saying, "A penny saved is a penny earned."

Fast foward a few years. I realize that this could be long and drawn-out.

We had accumulated a bunch of credit card debt, a loan, 2 truck payments, and some hefty lawyer bills from an ex-wife who just wouldn't GO AWAY!! We were in over our heads. But the Lord was still showing up. Don't ask me why He chose to still bless us in our financial irresponsibility. But He always made sure we had what we needed. At one point we had attended a seminar based off of a well known financial guru. We both heard the Lord speak to us about our debt and went home that very night to cut up our credit cards. We made a schedule to pay off our debt in 3 years. We were pumped and excited. We knew we could do it.

Then we got more lawyer bills in the mail we weren't expecting. That did it for us. We were deflated. We were defeated. We filed for bankruptcy. I'll never forget going to my pastor's wife sobbing over signing those papers. Bankruptcy is a horrible thing. But again, for some reason, God chose to bless us through our irresponsibility.

Immediately we started to see the hand of God working in our lives. We bought old clunkers with cash. And they lasted. They were good vehicles. We had 3 more cars given to us. FOR FREE! We sold our our house and property and made a huge profit. We should not have sold that house. After 5 years, I doubt that more than 2 houses have sold in our neighborhood since. We used the profit to buy a small mobile home and moved it onto our church property after getting an invitation to do this. We have lived without a house payment for 5 years. We were able to save 20,000 to buy our dream property in the mountains. We have saved even more than that to start building. We had a plan to save for another year and a half and then move to Virginia. We would have more than enough money to build a small, but beautiful house on our land. It was all working out beautifully.

Then my husband lost his job...To Be Continued...

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Almost 30

Sometimes I just stare at myself in the mirror. The laugh line on the left side of my mouth is a little more pronounced these days. When I first noticed it I thought it made me look mature, wise, like I was maybe an adult. I've always wondered when I would actually feel like an adult.

It didn't happen when I was married at 20. It should have. I married a man who had only been divorced 1 year prior to our marriage. He was (and still is, by the way) twelve years older than me. He had 3 boys. The oldest only being ten years younger than me. He had a hefty child support payment. Not to mention about 300 heavy, heavy bags of stuff. Baggage. And his ex-wife? Let's not go there. Let me just clarify. I met my husband 4 months after his divorce. We were married 8 months later. I did not break up their marriage. But wow, you would have thought I did by the way the last ten years have been with her.

I did not feel like an adult when I had my daughter. I should have. Shouldn't all mothers actually feel like an adult when they become a parent? I can tell I have grown since then. I used to let the dishes pile up all week because I didn't "feel" like washing them. I think when she was born I got over that "I don't feel like it" attitude. Good thing too.

Then I wondered if I would feel like an adult when I turned 30. I know a lot of 30 year old women. They have a family, career and apparently have it all together. I see them as women. How can it be that I am almost their age and would not consider myself a woman? Last night at church I had a 19 year old girl call me "Miss" and it sounded so wrong.

So when I think of all the things that make me a woman, it looks right on paper. See, watch...
I've been married almost 10 years.
I have a 5 year old daughter.
I run a household.
I homeschool my daughter and will continue to homeschool her until she graduates.
I did our church's financial books for a few years. (You have to be an adult to know how to do that right?)
I sing on my church's praise team and help lead the congregation in worship on Sunday mornings.
I help make good, sound decisions for my family.
I do my best to respect my husband as the Bible instructs me to.
I have done a good job (along with my husband) raising my daughter so far. She is respectful, and loves Jesus already.
I just had to discipline my daughter for not doing what I asked her to do (the first 100 times)
I am breathing in fumes from oven cleaner. Only adults clean ovens, right?

All of these things sound so grown up. But I can't see myself in them. I look in the mirror and see the eyes of a teenager I was so long ago. Still unsure of myself. In my head I am still a child. I rely on my husband for a lot of guidance. Of course, that in and of itself is not a bad thing. He is wise and he is the head of our family. But I find myself calling and asking for his opinion on whether or not I should spend $5 on lunch out.

So what is the answer? Am I the only woman like this? Is there anyone else who has a hard time with their identity? How do I start seeing myself as God sees me? Maybe I should meditate on the verses that specifically talk about how wonderful God made us, how much He adores us.

All I know is that my 30th birthday is just around the corner. I am spending my days counting my calories. I am trying to get into good physical shape in time for the big 30. But it is occuring to me that I need to be in good spiritual shape as well. I'm not getting any younger. I want to be found faithful when the Lord returns.

Can you relate?

Simple Pleasures

Kelly at Kelly's Corner is hosting a Simple Pleasures post today. I have a few to share...

1. Rainy days when you don't have to go anywhere.
2. Opening the blinds up on rainy days to enjoy the dreary weather.
3. My girl freshly bathed.
4. Vacuum lines.
5. A clean house
6. A balanced checkbook.
7. A new purse.
8. My homemade Fettuccini Alfredo.
9. My homemade French Baguette with my pasta.
10.My Virginia Is For Lovers bumper sticker.
11.Flannel Sheets.
12.2 laptops in the house.
13.Watching the Biggest Loser.
14. Making a new tutu.
15. My galvanized tub that holds my blankets.

Just gonna throw this out there for anyone wishing to pray. My husband lost his job yesterday. We "kinda" knew it was coming, but shocking anyway. We are in the midst of building a house in Virginia and don't have the rest of the money to finish it. (We live in Fl.) We are asking for wisdom. We don't know if we should look for work up there, or stay here and try to find better work since the economy is slightly better here. We know God has great plans for our future. Just not sure what that would be.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Not Me Monday

Last week I most certainly did not tell my daughter that I was tired of her watching tv all day. I did not tell her to choose 3 shows that she would like to watch. Then I did not proceed to sleep in every single day and let her watch her morning shows while I slept, therefore completely going back on my 3 shows per day before we even got started.

After some crappy sleep I most did not drug myself just to get a good night sleep. And it most certainly did not work!

For the past week or so, I have not waited to brush my teeth until noon. That would be nasty. And I am not a nasty person.

I have recently not been laughing at my daughter because she has a smelling problem. And I have so not realized that I have a smelling problem myself.

For more Not Me! Monday head over to MckMama.