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Thursday, May 27, 2010

A Good Fit

I've been thirty years old for about 16 days now. I slid into my thirtieth birthday quietly. It was like slipping my foot into a fine leather shoe. It went in smooth and comfortably. Ahhhhhh.

I've worn it around town, through the country and I have to say in some rough parts of the city. And you know what? I like it.

Yes, after only 16 days I have put many many miles on "30" and it has worn nicely. No real blisters yet.

In 16 short days I have thrown caution to the wind. Wear that new shirt that makes me look pregnant? Heck yeah. I'm thirty so who cares if people think I'm pregnant when I'm not.
Buy those cute wedges even though I really wanted a closed toe? Yes, please. I'm thirty and I should really stop obsessing about how ugly my feet are. If somebody doesn't like my long skinny toes, who cares! I'm thirty!

We went to a picnic with some of my step-dad's friends. I happen to think they are quite snooty so I spent the evening sitting outside the circle catching up with my husband. And did they think I was snooty? I'm sure. But I'm thirty years old now and if I want to act like a snob I'm going to and not care what they think about me.

I've also looked deep inside myself. I need to figure out why I am who I am. Why I do things I do and think things I think. I need to know who I am. Not who I am in other people's eyes. Who I am. Period.

Not fun people. While I have enjoyed the freedom that has come being thirty, it has kicked my butt. I'm asking questions that I have been scared to ask. I'm coming to realizations that are devastating to me.

On top of this soul searching, I am missing my husband, very over-tired and pre-premenstrual. Not a good combo.

I could really use some prayers for wisdom. Thank you.

Updated: I just realized that I intended for this post to be happy and upbeat. I wanted to let you know how much I am enjoying this new chapter of my life. But somehow it ended up making me feel hurt and lost. I am growing and it hurts. I hope you saw my heart in this post.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Memorial Box Monday

Today is Monday and I havn't done a MBM post in a while. I havnt done much of any posting in awhile. Forgive me for this being quick, but I just wanted to share it.
Last week was particularly frustrating for many reasons. I won't go into them because I have already gotten into them at one time or another on here.

As I was laying in bed waiting to fall asleep I felt the Lord tell me to fast tomorrow. Now, I'm new to this whole fasting thing. The most I've ever fasted was one meal. I was very afraid. I asked the Lord if I could fast until 5pm. It would have ended up about 23 hours of not eating. This includes sleep time which kinda doesn't count. But 2 meals is a big deal for me.

I prayed the next morning instead of enjoying my daily cup of coffee. Oh my word.

About 10am my husband texts me and says he is in a meeting with his boss over something that was found on his background check. He's been an employee almost 2 months mind you. And they are just now finding something from over 20 years ago. Immediately I knew why the Lord had me fast that day.

I prayed all day for this situation and for all the other things that we need answers to.

The Lord worked everything out for our good. The boss lady was very familiar with wayward young Marines and was willing to overlook this incident. My husband still has a job, Praise the Lord.

How cool is God that He would put this woman in our path? That she would understand that young Marines get into a lot of trouble? That she would be so willing to overlook this and let him keep his job? (This company has very very specific regulations for their employees.)

I was so thankful that the Lord's favor was over my husband.

I am going to put a small Marine Corps emblem in my Memorial Box. When I get one!

Do you have anything to put in your Memorial Box?

I know this post is full of grammatical and possibly spelling errors. Forgive me?

For more fabulous stories visit A Place Called Simplicity.

Friday, May 14, 2010

This is the way

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, This is the way, walk in it."
Isaiah 30:21

I had this posted in our house in Florida. We desperately wanted to be in God's will and to hear His voice. We didn't want it, if God wasn't in it. We both truly thought a move to Virginia was the thing to do. We prayed about it, and felt a peace that we should pursue jobs up there. After 2 months my husband got a job offer. We were so excited and felt like the Lord provided.

Fast forward a few months and we are starting to second guess. Don't you hate that? I do. A lot. We keep trying to run things through our head. We want to justify all the things that are going wrong. But the whole time we have only wanted what the Lord would have for us. We just got to a point where we needed to make a decision since we didn't believe one was just going to fall from the sky. Actually we thought it did in the form of a job offer.

But folks, things are just going all wrong. We really thought things would work out perfect. I hate when our expectations are so high. But really, shouldn't they be? But husband's job is NOT what he thought it was going to be. He's not making enough money for us to live off of and that is a problem. Our living situation that we were trying to work out with this gentleman has not worked out. We have no place to move to and no money to live on when we got there. Our mobile home is not selling so we can't really move forward on building our house either. We are stuck and, literally, only God can help us. We can't help ourselves. It is a scary place to be. But I wonder if this is exactly where God wants us.

Remember in another post I mentioned how in the past I have opened up my Bible to a random scripture and God spoke to me loud and clear? While I don't believe this happens every time and I believe that we need more than just random openings, it is still scripture. Tonight I got off the phone with my husband and felt totally hopeless. His down moods don't help, I'm sure. I immediately went to my secret place (Matthew 6) and just poured out my heart to the Lord. I got up and opened my Bible and turned right to Ps. 37:7-"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." How much clearer can it get? Be still. Let the worry go. Let the Lord work.

I'm sorry if these posts are so random. Your getting things as they happen. Live. It's like we are the knitting needles (ha!)and we are only going stitch by stitch. But eventually all these stitches will make something.

We love the movie Facing the Giants. One of the themes repeated throughout the movie is praising God no matter what. And so I am going to praise God right now, even when I don't feel like it.

Praise God for my husband who works crappy jobs even when he doesn't want to because he knows the importance of providing for his family.

Praise God for my daughter who is the bestest daughter in the whole wide world.

Praise God for friends who have been with me through it all, even when they shouldn't have been.

Praise God for my parents who graciously opened their beautiful home to me and my daughter.

Praise God that my parents have such a heart for the orphan (even if they don't know the mighty importance of that) that they open their home to as many foster children as their house can hold.

Praise God that we can do fun things even when we don't have the funds.

Praise God that my mom is generous enough to drive through Sonic whenever I want and buy me as many diet coke with vanilla Route 44's as I can drink (or my bladder will hold.) And that she will buy me a Bump-it knowing that I will wear it 2 times and let it fall to the bottom of my hair accessories basket never to see the light of day again.

And I Praise God for you. I know you pray for me and you have no idea who I am or what my name is. I am so thankful for every one of you who read even one sentence of my blog. I pray for you too.
Once again I just ask if you would lift up my family to find a place to live together. And that my husband would have the Lord's favor at his job. And will you ask at least one of your friends to pray for me too? I believe in prayer and petition.
Thank you and God bless you.

Friday, May 7, 2010

My life: Then and Now

I'm flirting dangerously close to 30 these days. Have I mentioned this? I think it is throwing me off. And it is making me think and analyze. And I'm starting to like figure things out. Whoa. Is this normal?? I'm sitting here with cute pigtails in my hair and Life is a Highway stuck in my head. Yes, the Rascal Flats version. Its fabulous.

I just painted my nails on my bedroom floor. I've longed to do black but my mother won't let me. Thats ok, neither will my husband. I will submit to my authority. So I found this funky shade of metallic silver that has a funky shine to it. It will do. My mind started playing tricks on me though. It was like I was thrown back into the 90's.

15 years ago I would have been sitting on the floor painting my nails and flipping through a 17 magazine. Remember the Taylor sisters who were on more than one cover?
Tonight I was flipping through my Bible.

15 years ago I would have just gotten off the (corded) phone with my best friend and we would have talked about every kind of drama we were enduring in our teenage lives. I just got of the (cell) phone with my husband where the stress level was high and I can't fix it.

15 years ago I would have had homework and school books laying all over my floor. Tonight I have bills. Oh yeah, lets not forget the knitting needles and (black)yarn.

15 years ago I would have been stressing in the mirror because my hair was impossible. I would fret over the state of my uncool hair many many many a night. Tonight I wonder where we will live next month.

Things that would have littered my floor in 1995:
Magazines, hair products, clothes that were way dorky, my backpack, pages ripped out of surfer magazines, cassette tapes, other uncool stuff.

Things that litter my floor in 2010:
A towel with my hair in it from when I used my new thinning shears last night, a box of tissues, nail polish remover, did I mention the knitting needles?, barbies, kid size 11 shoes, hair products, a wet (pink) wet towel.

How did I live without these things in 1995:

My V.S. padded bras. And I'm a much less insecure person these days because of them.

My cell phone. I can say that I was a teenager who lived without a cell phone. Or texting. Just call me mamaw.

Leather handbags. Am I considered cool now?

My laptop. I am blogging. I'm pretty sure the internet wasn't even a twinkle in Al Gore's eye back in the mid nineties. I'm just kidding. I really don't know when he invented the internet.

My croc flipflops. I know, I know, these aren't cool.

The 5 year old amazing little girl asleep 3 feet away. I'm pretty sure that my 15 year old self greatly appreciated that I waited on having babies. But honestly, I can't even imagine my life without that little stink head.

Even though 30 is starting to fahreek me out, I'm loving every minute of it.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Its the thought that counts

In this case, it really really is.
You see my husband hates spending money. I've come to find out that my love language with him is gifts. And only because, well, I do love getting gifts, but I know it comes from a place deep within his heart for him to want to spend money.

As you know he is living 3 hours away right now. We havnt seen each other in almost 2 weeks and he is missing me.

He told me last night that he was at walmart looking at the cameras. I'm not sure why, that's just weird. But he saw one for $700 and wanted to buy it for my birthday. What?!?!?!?!? He must be absolutely delirious. We don't spend that kind of money on ANYTHING. And obviously we are trying to build a house on a very small budget and we don't even have that kind of money. But he said that if he had sold his truck he would have totally bought that camera for my gift, he misses me that much.

I'm sure the thought was fleeting and he came to his senses. But in this case, it really is the thought that counts.

But man, oh man, I would love to have had that camera.