Do you ever get in a funk and can't snap out of it? That is where I'm at. Deep down I know I have to just pull myself up by my boot straps and get on with life. But I don't feel like it.
It started on Saturday. It was a rainy day, which usually I love, but this day was not lovely. I did mundane things like lesson plans and clothes sorting. I felt a burden for an adoption that doesn't even have an agency yet.
I miss my husband. He has a wonderful job that he loves. They have made it mandatory to work 12 hours a day and 7 days a week until further notice. I miss him. It was hard to go to church on Sunday alone.
There are so many things I need to be thankful for though. My husband has a job!!! And I know there are families out there who need jobs. I also know there are families out there who work just as many hours a week, but don't get the compensation that we are getting.
I do not like this funk. I do not like doing school and faking a sweet voice to my girl. I do not like pasting on a smile because she deserves better than a momma in a funk.
These past few days I have consumed myself with things about adoption, orphans and things of that nature. I am frustrated because I do not know where to start. Do I need to wait until we buy a house next year? I'm frustrated at being frustrated. Adoption is not the only way to help an orphan. I know this and I want to do more. And its frustrating me because God is speaking to me and changing me. And I don't like the way it feels. I don't want to give up some sweet boots I've been eyeing and donate the money to 147 Million Orphans.
And truthfully, I've been hormonal this week and that probably has a lot to do with my funk. Its still not fun though. Well, it might be fun if I could just sleep all day and eat chocolate. But that is impossible. So, no fun.
But today I think of women who are going through so much more. And I am praying. Do you need prayer? I will pray.