Memorial Box Monday

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God hears our prayers.

What? You knew that already? Yeah I did too. But there is still something so awe inspiring when you see it first hand.

Years ago when I had a little girl I could hardly wait for her to do all of the girly things. One thing I was so excited about was ballet.

I also had a husband that had a lot of baggage. This is a fact: When you marry a man with a previous marriage, you get all of him, baggage and all. They will more than likely come with their point of views about certain things. The only problem was that his point of view came from an ex-wife and an ex-marriage. Divorce is ugly all the way around. God can bring beauty from ashes, but you will be finding ash in everything over the years. Just like when you play with glitter. You can seriously be finding that stuff for years and years. Same thing with the ash. You will find bits and pieces of it for a long time. It will pop up in the most unusual spots. But God eventually turns that bit of ash into bits of beauty.

Back to my story. My husband has 3 boys. Well, they are men now, but one time they were boys. They played every sport imaginable, including gymnastics. This makes me smile because two of them are in the Marine Corps. I can just imagine their drill instructor getting a hold of this information. Anyway. They played a lot of sports. Sometimes two sports at a time. This made for 3 busy boys. Luckily they had grandparents that would pitch in and help take them to games and all of the hundreds of practices.

My husband worked a lot. He was self employed. He worked out in the hot Florida weather every single day. He missed a lot of their games. Now, I could get into all of the details about why my husband had to work so many hours. It had a lot to do with credit card bills that would mysteriously show up in the mail box. Sometimes they would show up in his in-laws mailbox. He wouldn't know about these for a long time. Needless to say, he had to make a certain amount of money to keep the family in the green. He was shamed over and over again for missing games and practices. He is still haunted by the memories of dissapointing his boys.

Fast forward several years. My daughter takes a huge interest in ballet. She dances around the house at only 2 years old. Most girls do this. My husband is very against the idea of enrolling her in class. Or any sport for that matter. Ouch, I just got some ash in my eye. Where did that come from?

Well, I knew that arguing would not matter. I accepted his verdict. My parents and sister kept pestering me about putting her in class. What do I say? I try to keep it neutral and explain to them that she won't be taking ballet classes at this time. NOW QUIT BRINGING IT UP!

I prayed a lot about this. I knew God could change his heart. I just didn't know if He would. It took 2.5 years. Then not too long ago, out of the blue he said he wanted her to take ballet class. I think I was standing in the kitchen. I tried not to let the surprise show on my face. I calmly agreed with him and was profusely praising God in my heart at the same time. God was softening my husband's hard, hard heart. He turned that bit of ash into some beauty. The result? My girl will go to her very first ballet class today at 4pm.

She is over the moon. And my husband? Well, he has been working overtime like crazy. And most of it is mandatory. He doesn't have a choice. Some of it he does choose to work. I have assured him over and over again that he is not required to come to ballet practice. And if he misses her first recital I will take lots of pictures and video and he will not be shamed.

God is turning my husband's ashes into beauty as well. Even after almost 10 years of marriage, he is learning that he is safe. That I love him. And God continues to soften his heart. The other day he asked me why he has turned into such a cry baby. This former marine with a hard heart has cried more this past year than he has his whole life. The only answer I could give him was that God was softening his heart. The very thing I had been praying for years.

Thank you Lord for answering prayers.

Ballet pictures to come soon.

Can You Afford It?

Adoption, that is.

I can't.

I recently read a blog post where someone ranted and raved about all the fundraising going on to bring home one's child. They basically said that if you can't afford to adopt, you shouldn't. Huh? Well, I am actually very glad this person has the money in their bank account to bring home a few children to call their own. I don't. Does that mean we can't or shouldn't adopt? Does that mean an orphan (or millions of them for that matter) should sit in an orphanage the rest of their childhood only to be cast out on the street corner (literally!!) because we don't have the money to adopt them? I'd like to think not.

Aside from the language used, I'd have to say from the overall tone of the entire blog that this person is not a follower of Christ. Now before you call me judgemental because I don't believe someone is a Christian, lets just remember that the Bible says a tree is known by it's fruit. A follower of Christ will not have "perfect" fruit. But it should have some flavor and an overall good taste. You should also be able to recognize this fruit for what it is supposed to be. So for that reason I will conclude that this person is not a Christian. Yes, I could be wrong. And if I am, I will admit to it.

So I guess it would be kinda easy to understand where this person was coming from. To them, they are just getting a daughter or son. A lot of people adopt like this. They adopt, they get on with their lives. I don't have a lot of room to talk because before this year I wouldn't have even adopted. But God is changing my heart. He is softening it.

But what in the world is the matter when someone asks for a little help to bring home their child? If you don't want to contribute, then don't. No one is forcing you. But I bet you will put your money into saving the rainforest. I bet you will be the ones to contribute to planned parenthood.

*****(((Which by the way, look this up, call them up, investigate this...do Susan G. Komen foundation affiliates contribute to planned parenthood?)))*****

The point is that most people give their money towards something they believe in. Why would someone get so bent out of shape because we ask for help to bring home an orphan. For crying out loud there are people asking for money to kill babies. Real babies. Killing them. And they ask for money to help do this. So get off your high horse and let someone raise funds to GIVE LIFE to a baby instead of taking it away!

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families" psalm 68:5,6

God Himself is setting the lonely in families. I don't know about you but I want to contribute to God's work.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to a wonderful husband, loving daddy and devoted Man of God
I love you.

Cleaning House

Cleaning house is such a bitter sweet thing. I love the result. Sometimes I even love the chores. It just depends on my mood. I have a pretty clean house. But for some reason I can't keep it clean. Oh, I clean bathrooms once a week usually. I vacuum several times a week. But the minute that floor is cleared of junk, more junk starts appearing. And its not just the girl's fault. Its all of us. I'd love to be one of those people who hangs up and puts away immediately. And sometimes I am. But most of the time things get piled up and thrown around. I can't stand it.
Right now on my floor in my own "grown up" bedroom I have:
a basket of clean clothes
a walmart bag full of garbage
clean and dirty clothes
tons of books beside my bed
dog leash laying in the middle of the floor
men's dress shoes
a clip board
various school supplies
barbie jeep with 2 barbies inside
one of my tennis shoes with a barbie inside
a computer mouse
a scrap of yarn
a pirate patch
dog chew toys
halloween candy
jar of peanut butter
2 things of body wash

Now yes, all of this is in my bedroom but you have to remember that we have a roommate. My family lives in the upstairs 2 bedrooms. My bedroom is like the living room. And before you call the "hoarder" tv show to come to my house I still have a lot of empty floor space.

This will all get cleaned up today but I can't promise you that 50 other things won't take their place tomorrow. Or tonight for that matter.

What does your house look like?

Update

I know I just posted about 5 minutes ago but I was rereading some things I had written a few weeks ago and just had to share a little bit more.

I did go through a week of pure pit. I was in the pit. It seems that I begged the Lord to pick me up. I couldn't put my finger on it and had no reason for my heart to be so down. One morning I just tried to sit down with my Bible and read and ask God to be near me. At some point during my time with Him a thought slammed into my heart like a speeding car slams into a wall. It hit me so hard and so fast that I didn't know what to do.

The thought? We will adopt a girl around the same age as my girl. I know this is so silly to you. Why all the drama and then a silly thought? Well I don't know why my heart was so sad, but I knew it had something to do with adoption. I am still not very good at hearing the Lord speak to me. But He did. He told me that our daughter was to be older than we had anticipated. And you know what? I closed my Bible, got off my bed and went about my day. My heart was happy again, my soul was lifted and I KNEW that I had to come to a place where I was desperate to Hear Him. He brought me to that place so I could hear what He had to say.

After thinking about it for awhile it totally confirmed something I thought He was saying to me awhile back. A few months ago I was going through my girl's clothes and I felt like He told me to start saving them. I believe I blogged about this, but I can't remember. I thought, Ok Lord, I will save them. And then we can just buy whatever sized we need until she starts fitting into these 5's. Well, hello!!!! Apparently I didn't get it then, but I get it now! My girl will be that age when she comes home to us.

A week later our church prayed over our situation. Two days later I came across the face of a beautiful 5 year old girl waiting for a home.

God is at work! And I am anxiously awaiting to see what happens.

Virginia Mountains

This doesn't even show how the leaves are changing now. Just wait until I get those pictures.

I know its been quiet around here. Truthfully its hard to get motivated to post on a blog that nobody reads! But I keep it up because I love to go back and read my own stuff. Its like a journal.

This will probably become some sort of adoption blog. Its just where my heart is right now.

We have to wait until July next year until we can start any type of adoption. I'm not very good at waiting though. So it will be a long road.

I still love living in Virginia. Its like we were always meant to be here. Even though there is so much unrest about so many things in our lives right now, I am at peace knowing I am surrounded by such beauty. I've always responded well to the beauty of God's creation. I feel closer to Him when I am outside. The wind on my face comes at just the right time to let me know He's near. The beauty of the mountains makes me in awe of His majesty.

Homeschooling is going extremely well. I love it! My girl is learning to read and she is so super smart. Its so fun because there were a couple of days that I was feeling dumpy and we just did school work in my bed! How cool is that? I may have said this before but I love the time I get to spend with my girl. Yeah, of course there are times when I am over talking to a 5 year old. Sometimes I just need to be alone and it never happens. Especially to a homeschooling momma whose husband is working 12 hour days, 7 days a week. (Not complaining, just trying to be real!) But I am cherishing the time I get with her. She will be 6 soon and I am alarmed at the speed in which she is growing up. I try and always have a view of the future.

I guess that about sums up whats been going on here. Not much. We have have plans in the works and I will be back soon to talk about those.

The Lord has spoken

Just a quick little note to say that the Lord met me where I was. I was close to the pit. I couldn't figure it out. I prayed and begged Him to speak, or show me what was wrong. I couldn't put my finger on it. My husband would come home from his 12 hour shift and I would tell him how I felt, but I had no words for it. I'm sure he thought I was losing it. We are so new to this adoption thing and havn't even begun the process that I am scared of scaring him away from it. He is for it! But I have a tendency to talk, talk, talk about whatever is exciting me. I guess I just felt so consumed with orphans and didn't know how to deal with the reality of it. So to talk so much about it and try to figure it out would have freaked him out and I know his eyes would eventually glaze over. I've seen it happen before.

So I couldn't really get all of the yucky out of my heart. I was confused about some things and just plain overwhelmed with THE WHOLE ORPHAN CRISIS. I was just having a hard time processing so much.

And to tell you the truth I feel like satan was trying to discourage me by overwhelming me. And it was working. I started to doubt adoption period. In the midst of this my emotions were shutting down.

But last night our preacher brought it! And the Lord spoke. And it changed me forever. I will have this child. She will be my victory. I will hold fast to this promise from a God who has heard my cries this week. He has seen my broken heart. He has heard my prayers for a changed heart. He has given me a promise of victory.

My emotions are in check, I have a full out joy for this promise. I am functioning with a real smile on my face today. I am at rest in Him.

Thank you Father.