In the Midst of Life...

I am so tired today. I am finally shaking off my sinus infection. Praise God! I thought it would never go away. But tired I am. And unfortunately I am pretty cranky on top of that.

My mom comes back into town this evening. I have been watching her 3 foster children since Wednesday and am ov.er.it. Not that I havn't tried to put on my big girl pants and just get through this week, but really. Over it.

The upside was that my husband came in this weekend for a short visit. It was so good to see him. It will be about 2 weeks until he can come in again. It will be for my 30th birthday. Funny. I had such big plans to celebrate turning 30. Now, I'm living at my mother's, we have no money and my husband has to drive 3 hours and he won't even be with me on my actual birthday.
But you know what? There has to be blessing in it somewhere, and I am going to look for it. I tend to be a negative person, but just maybe I can start looking for the positive in this situation.

I am getting lazy with my homeschooling. I know its just preschool and she knows so much already that it is hard to stay on task when we are out of our routine. Really, I have no plans to put her in school, but if preschool is this hard to get motivated to do what in the world am I going to do when she's 15?

Being up here in the mountains has been so amazing. When you've lived in flat land for so long you can see the same view over and over again and still be amazed.

They finished the foundation to our house this past week. Who ever thought I'd be excited about a bunch of blocks? Oh, but I am.

I'm off to try to doze for a few minutes before I have to pick up the kids from school. I feel like maybe I'm about to be closer to 40 than 30.

My prayer Request

Ok, so its not something so life altering. But I believe that it is still important to God.
I miss my husband. This has been really hard on us and it looks like we might be apart for about one more month. I am praying that the Lord will work out our living situation where we can all live together for very little money.

We also really need to sell our house. Its just a mobile home so we won't get much money for it, but we need this money to finish our house. I know the Lord could provide for our house without that money. And I trust Him to do so. But we are having such a hard time waiting on His timing.
And this makes no sense why we can't be patient, because He has proven Himself so much, especially here lately, that His timing is perfect. Yes, we do believe it.

I have had a sinus infection for a week now and either nobody will take my insurance or they won't take new patients right now. It seems to be getting better, but I am taking care of 4 kids this week and I'd love to have some relief.

There are also a few others that I don't want to put on the blog. So please take time to pray for those as well. They are just as important.

I would love the opportunity to pray for you. Please leave your requests in my comments and I will lift them up.

Thank you! All of you! I don't even have a reason for this blog. But for some reason you still come and that is so lovely. Thanks so much!

A List

I'm a little concerned that I'm reduced to making lists now. I was trying to put together a post about what happens to your mind when you move in with your parents but truthfully, I can't bring my thoughts together to form anything that you would understand. I'm not even sure if that sentence made sense or if your even still reading.

So, here is a list of what happens when I start losing my mind:

1. I can't form thoughts or sentences

B. I fight the urge to lapse into what I like to call the teenage throwback stage. You know what this is! It's when you get to your parent's house and revert back to a 14 year old who is lazy and leaves their crap everywhere. You (I?) lay around on the couch and watch MTV (not really MTV but definitely any reality tv that I don't ever usually watch, but once again, the teenage throwback stage...)

This time I have fought really, really hard. I have fought so hard that I have cleaned windows, blinds, baseboards, offered to cut the grass, and managed to pick up after myself. I have also made myself sick, apparently because my body doesn't know what to do. It must be in shock. Actually, I think it must be the pollen considering after I wiped down the patio furniture with homemade windex and a paper towel I went out 3 seconds later and the pollen (green gunk?) was slathered on so thick I thought Slimer had paid us a visit.

Moving right along....

3. You know you are losing your mind when the highlight of the stay so far is setting up my mom's Mexican foster children to watch Nacho Libre and silently and inwardly rejoicing when they laugh at all the right parts. Also when you are silently and inwardly disappointed that they didn't "get" some of the funniest parts. Ahhh, good times.

4. And there really isn't a 4th thing on my list, it just seemed like a shame to end with only 3. Any ideas for surviving this stay which may last 1-2 months? Did I mention that I have no spending money and no vehicle to call my own at the moment?

I feel the need to explain, because I can't remember if I have already or not, that my husband is working in Virginia and rooming with a gentleman who is being very generous while letting my husband stay for free in return for help around the house. (I only WISH I could see this.) In the meantime I am at my mom's with my girl and we are dealing with it. I miss him. But we met half way today to go to church together and eat lunch.

Tomorrow I will have up a prayer request to go along with these circumstances.

Did I mention I'm packing this week?

Some things I know:

Almost all of my shirts have small holes around my belly. Why, oh why do they do this?

My daughter has one heckuva imagination. Oh yes she does.

God is very faithful. Oh yes He is.

My husband has been hearing really freaky things in this house he's been staying in.

Really freaky things.

Wearing fleece lined crocs in 80 degree weather while you pack is NOT a good idea.

I am a child of the LIVING God. Love that.

I miss my husband, but shhhhh, I might be enjoying this time more than I should. (the toilet seat is always down!!!)

I have a lot of crap jammed into our 700 square feet of happiness. (Our nickname for our house.) Yeah, we are very sarcastic.

If my daughter will still claim me after this week, then I am very blessed.

If I will still claim myself after this week then I'm in good shape.

If I am even coherent after this week then, wow, that would be amayzin.

We have used an unusual amount of toilet paper this week. Weird.

I can't blame that on my husband anymore.

I have too many clothes. I am not even really a fan of most of them. I blame it on clearance racks. They suck me in and I can't walk away without at least one piece of mismatch.

There is a huge box that I know I would fit in. I have contemplated emptying the contents and climbing in. I have a sudden urge to get away from it all and suck my thumb. But that would require me to unpack a box.
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah, yeah right.

I am trying to convince myself that when you move out of a house you don't really have to pull out the appliances and clean under them. I know. Shame on me. Don't tell my mother. Ok, go ahead and tell her. It will guarantee her arrival in the next 9.5 hours.

I've packed up all my food. Smart choice? What do you think? But do you think in your right mind I am going to unpack one single box of food just to eat? Your crazy.

Besides my girl and I are getting along just fine consuming large amounts of Easter candy.

We're just fine I tell ya.

Seriously

I'm packing this week.

Seriously.

Does anyone enjoy packing? I despise the idea of it. What is worse than figuring all your belongings into hand me down boxes and hoping they will hold up in transit? But then there's the unpacking. In my case I will be packing again in the future. I can't even stand the thought of it. Originally we were going to sell of everything we could before we left. But as I have been rummaging through my belongings I realized that I am thankful for them. I want them to be a part of our new beginning. They been through so much with us that I want them to share in the excitement of a little cabin on the edge of a hill.

Seriously.

Ok, I'm going too far. I'm tired. You see I've been packing this week. Our whole house by myself. With a 5 year old. A bored 5 year old. Oh, help me!

Ok, but seriously.

With each box I pack I am getting a little closer to the mountains of Virginia. It keeps me going. Especially when I just want to cry in the floor from exhaustion. It keeps me from cryin for my momma.

Mother, where are you? I need you to help me pack and clean. Your so good at it.

Just kidding.

My mom doesn't even read this blog. She doesn't even know I have a blog.

Back to the boxes. Except I ran out of boxes. Did I mention that I don't even have a car this week? Yeah, no boxes, no car.

Seriously.

Mommy?

Memorial Box Monday-Hot off the Press

This Memorial Box is only about 12 hours old. The story is far from being finished, which I think is so cool!

Over the past 2 months my husband has been unemployed, he has probably applied for well over 50 jobs. He is a worker and a hard one at that. He can do just about anything so he didn't care what the job was, he just wanted one.

He was starting to become very discouraged. Especially after a trip up to the Virginia Workforce place. They basically told him he wouldn't make more than 8 or 9 dollars an hour. Talk about a let down. He came home and just kept at it. Finally one day we got a call for an interview. My husband was so ecstatic! He went up to the interview and it went fantastic. This was his first interview since he lost his job and he tried not to get his hopes up. But he couldn't help it. The interviewer was very encouraging and basically got his hopes up for him.

He said we would hear something within 2 days. Oh how foolish we were to believe that! Ha! Every time that phone rang, we dove for it and were let down time again. When were they going to call???
A WEEK later we were both beside ourselves. We knew we would hear something either way and the suspense was not working for us. Last Tuesday morning we woke up and both knew that we would hear something. We were both on edge all day. Its funny because we didn't talk about it until later. We were so tired of talking about it that we didn't even mention that we both thought it would be that day. Every time I walked by the cell phone my stomach did funny flips. Ahhhh!


Then the phone rang.


My husband walked back into the bedroom and answered it.


Then he gave me a thumbs up.


Ah, sweet relief. Tears immediately came to my eyes at God's faithfulness. He had given us just the right job. The income was more than we thought we would get. He didn't allow my husband to interview for a million jobs and be turned down. God is so good. He knew what we could handle and what we couldn't.

My husband started his job at 7:30 this morning. We are so blessed.

But, that is NOT what I wanted to write about. This Memorial Box Monday post goes a lot more in depth than that!!

My husband needed a place to stay up there for only one month. Our plan was to buy a camper for our property this month so we wouldn't waste money on rent. Not ideal because we don't like debt. And this would put us in debt for a long time and we don't even have a vehicle to pull the thing with.

My husband ended up renting a room from a man who had had a stroke 7 months ago. He has been in rehab and his house has sat empty. He was coming home in a few days and was moving out of this house by the end of the month. He only wanted someone there for the month of April. (My guess is to just have someone be there. The poor man spent 3 days on the floor before someone found him) Coincidence? Yeah, right!!

My husband went yesterday to meet this gentleman. They had a good talk and I believe both felt comfortable with each other.

Now, let me just say that this house is over 4,000 sq.ft. It sits on the edge of a ridge and has an amazing view. My husband spent the evening last night watching deer behind the house. His favorite thing to do! He agreed to pay $500 to stay in the house this month. A lot in my opinion, but its such a huge house and probably well worth it. So, the man asked my husband if he would help him pack some things up before the move he could stay for free!!!! That's $500 of savings we can use elsewhere. Thank you Lord!! Being the worker that he is, and the servant, he agreed.

This gets even longer. I know! This gentleman has a friend. Barely a friend actually. This other man, we'll call him Burt (watching sesame street, can you tell?) owns the property next to this fabulous house. He's the one who found this man after his stoke and has been sort of like a son to him. Making sure his bills are paid, looking after the house, even paying some of his bills to help him out. Talk about a servant!!!

We'll Burt is trying to find a rental for this man to live in. The one he found would be perfect but it's too expensive. The man won't be able to go back to work for several more months and would need a tenant until then. Enter my husband. Did I mention that we would only need a place to stay (the camper) for a few months until our house is built?

Burt (still taking care of specifics for this man) offered my husband and our family the main part of the house for less than $300 per month. The man would live in the finished basement and would only need meals and light cleaning.

$300 would be about the same as a camper payment (not including a down payment.) It would also mean we wouldn't be in debt for the next 10 years. It would mean we could stay in a nice house instead of a camper. It would mean we would get a chance to witness to this man and Burt also. It would mean we could store our belongings in the basement instead of a storage unit. It would mean a lot of good for our family.

How cool is God that He would be at work on behalf of our family? How awesome that He would orchestrate these events before my husband even got to Virginia? I am so in awe of what He is doing to take care of us. Seeing His hand at work for us is so humbling.

This story isn't over yet. It has only just begun. I can't wait to get up there and live out this God ordained circumstance. There is nothing better than living inside of the will of God.

Yall, I have less than a week left here and then I am moving. I will spend the month of April with my parents. In one month, I will be in Virginia. The place we have dreamed about for so long. To say that my heart is overflowing is a huge understatement.

I am so happy to share this story with you. Please come back and see what else God has in store for us. It is sure to be exciting!!!!

Easter

We dyed eggs. We hunted them. We bought fancy new dresses. We pigged out from a wicker basket filled with yummy candy. My girl got a Barbie.


But make no mistake.


We are celebrating the risen Jesus Christ.

The One who was God and man. The One who went willingly to a cross.

Lately I have wondered who in my life truly loves me. I have been asking God to speak to me about this. I need His opinion. He spoke. Very vividly.

Picture the usual scene of the crucifixion. Remember how He was beaten and mocked and spit upon. Remember all of those intense details. Don't just remember them. Read about them. Put yourself there.

Imagine that all of this happened over 2,000 years ago. And then imagine that you were the only person on this earth who would sin. Imagine that Jesus would go willingly to that cross 2,000 years ago knowing that in 1980, the only sinner would be born. Can you imagine that He would still go through all of what He went through. Would He do that for me? If I were the only one ever to need a Savior, would He still do it?

It is hard to understand that kind of love, but yes He would still die for me alone.

When I close my eyes in the quiet of the night I picture Him walking with that cross. I see all of those people not understanding why He is putting Himself through that. They all wonder because there is not a sinner among them. But little do they know that thousands of years later one sinner would be born to need a Savior. Me. I believe He would have nailed Himself to that cross for me if He had to.

When I think that He would indeed to that for me and me alone, I know He is the only one that loves me like I need to be loved. I never have to question how much He loves me. I just need to close my eyes and watch Him go willingly to that cross.

It is truly unbelievable.

The reality is that we all need a Savior. When we think of it in such a broad spectrum like that, it is easy to feel left out. I do all the time. I think it is good for us to envision Him singling us out to love us so much.

Tonight I was having a conversation with my daughter about Jesus' second coming. We talked about watching the eastern sky and how He will come from the clouds to take us with Him to heaven. One of her bajillion questions was this:

What if Jesus forgets me?

I told her that when me, daddy and her go to walmart and we turn around and realize she isn't there, we start to look for her. We call for her. We don't stop until we find her.

I told her God will have thousands of people with Him (really a LOT more than that, but for the sake of her little brain I said thousands) but He would know if she wasn't there. He'd call for her and look for her until she was found. Again, its not likely that she won't be there since she has already prayed the sinner's prayer, but she can't understand the logistics of the 2nd coming. Heck, I can barely understand it.

The point is that God would know immediately that one of His children were missing. Immediately. And He would call for you.

It is a struggle for me to sometimes accept Jesus' love as personal. I envision Him loving the whole world. And yes, that world includes me, but I just can't personalize it.

When I get these little thoughts in my head, I sense that God is trying to grow me in this area. I never had a parent who made me feel special. My mom was a single mom with 3 kids. She was busy. My dad was an alcoholic. My step dad was, well, my step dad. I want that so badly that sometimes I make my poor husband miserable. But the Lord is the ONLY One who can love me like that.

His love is personal for each of us.

Happy Easter. I hope your celebration of the risen Lord was sweet.

One time I prayed that God would somehow provide some praise and worship music for me for free. When I prayed this I envisioned someone walking up to me and giving me a great praise and worship CD. Even though a praise and worship CD would be something worth the money spent, I still couldn't justify buying anything that wasn't a necessity. Besides, wouldn't it be more fun if the Lord decided which praise He wanted me to have.


By the next day I forgot I had prayed that prayer. Do you ever do that?

A few months ago our music minister approached me about singing on our church's Praise Team. I am not a professional. I love to sing and I can carry a tune. I was a little surprised, but I accepted. If anything, I could enjoy the singing. The "training" couldn't hurt either. And by training I mean the experience I could get being up on a stage in front of people without forgetting my words. I get bad stage fright. I block out the whole experience of singing special music. Sometimes I sit down and wonder if anyone clapped. Not that they should but I just couldn't remember if they did.

I have so enjoyed the experience. While our music minister probably wishes I had a little more stage presence, I am getting more comfortable. I can't exactly engage the crowd, but I can actually glance in their general direction for a few seconds. Besides, (here is where I insert my opinion) I'm not there to put on a show. The words to our songs are put on a big screen for the congregation and the musicians have one in the back as well. I need to look at those words. Being on the stage makes me nervous and I need the words. I don't exactly want to be fumbling for words into the mic while others are trying to worship. But that's not the only reason. If I keep my eyes on the words, not only can I keep my place, but I can concentrate on the words a lot easier. I can concentrate on the Lord.

Maybe that is why I will never be "good" at the Praise Team. I don't put on a show. I can't. I won't. I want to be transparent. If I'm feeling a little nervous or if I just want to concentrate on the words, that is what your going to see.

This week I have been packing. More on this later. Going through all the crap I have found numerous CD's shoved on, around and in my stereo. I grabbed the garbage bag, my best friend, and decided to just toss most of the CD's since I knew they were all practice CD's.

Then I had my aha moment. Practice CD's full of praise and worship songs. For free.

The Lord had heard the prayer I prayed in passing. He heard and He loves me enough to give me what I ask.

Lord, thank You for opening my eyes to Your great provision. And for Your great provision.